Do you ever sit down at night and try to remember where the day went? You wake up, make breakfast, eat, and go about the day. Life throws obstacles in your way and you dodge them the best you can. Only at the end of the day to sit down and wonder what you even did that day. That is how I am feeling today.
11 months ago we sat down and swore we wouldn't be here by now. Stuck in the same old rut, working, cooking, cleaning......living. Here I sit though, doing just that. Looking at how my life has changed...but how it only stays the same. Saving for our escape, and spending, hoping it is part of what is meant to be.
Our journey out of here has taken so many twists and turns, and honestly I still hate this town with a pretty big passion. The neverending people, who pretend to be someone they are not. People who could care less about their children, or yours, while they educate our future. I sit and stare off into the "stuff", the stuff we own, that really owns us. Selling down 95% of our house has been.....interesting.....difficult......emotional. Heck I think I am down maybe 10% and I sit and look at my stuff, know I likely need none of it, but not being strong enough to let go of any of it.
The month of June I am trying to awaken I suppose? Find me? Find the bottom of this depressing world we live in and bloom into something and someone I want to be. I'm not sure what is holding me back. Maybe it is the stuff, the people....it can't be this place because it is just pushing me away.