I sit here thinking how amazing life is, not always good or fun, but amazing. Growing up I swore I'd never get married, never have children...I had this huge life planned out. I knew what I wanted to be, where I wanted to be and who I cared to have in my life. I can't say for a moment I've ever regretted having my children despite doing nearly everything to prevent having children lmao but other plans were drawn for my life, ones that still some days I don't understand. I get asked if I feel like I've done nothing with my life because I've spent most of 12 years as a stay at home mother.....ironically I don't feel anything more then amazement. Many people don't get the blessing to watch every single moment in their children's lives, I've missed nothing, lack nothing, and desire little. I know that every time someone says how amazing they are it is because of me, and yes that goes for every time they drive me nuts to. I may not have gotten to be everything I had seen myself being, but I know that my children are going to be everything they ever dream of and its going to be amazing! Living life with no regrets doesn't always mean avoiding what you think you'll regret.
The last week was possibly the worst week of my life. From the lose of some amazing kittens who have left a mark on my heart forever, to questioning myself and everything I am, was, or will be. I've sat in what can only be described as a deep depression for the last week. Unsure of why things have had to happen the way they did, and even where I am headed next. It has been extremely hard not to question my faith, friends, and family. I can't say that things are 100% better but I knew one thing. I really needed to get on again and let out my life. I love blogging, and sometimes there is discussion about not making an income off of it. I have to remind myself and those around me that isn't why I blog. I blog to help people relate and feel like they are not always alone in whatever journey they may be taking at the time. I've made many friends through the blogging world that have made a huge impact on my life, and it is time that I get back to that life and stop cutting everyone out.